Saturday, March 24, 2007

an off day today!

so i finish work today, and it's my second last day in the medical department. i'm going on holiday mood, and i feel lazy and unproductive today, and i don't feel like i want to go around helping anyone today - i think i've done enough over the last 3-4 months.

my work is done by 10am, and i decide to go out to get some breakfast. and after that, i was stuck. i have completely no idea what i want to do on this glorious saturday, with the sun out shining and everyone smiling and happy and everyone enjoying this gorgeous day.

or is it just me and my holiday mood, when all around me are people going through the humdrum of their lives, and me unnaturally extrapolating my happiness to those around me and wanting (and therefore simply) believing that all around me is happiness and joy.

but who cares - everyone is happy today, and full of smiles. both my colleagues had a good first and second call last night, and even the sick ICU patients weren't as sick as those on their deathbeds. i had 3 ICU patients propped up and smiling at me, so if the sickest people in the hospital are in ICU, and those patients are smiling at me, how can one not be happy?

so i come home and download some nice songs, and they're playing full blast now. there's no one at home, and i'm enjoying some solitude, strangely, able to play my music loudly and watching the telly loudly. hell, i can even have a woman over and no one would even know the difference - that is, IF i can get a woman these days. :-)

so off to singapore it is, to watch The Phantom of the Opera, something i watched in 2004 in London. i think i shall go get a pair of Nikes from queenstown, have a bite and a walk in Boat Quay and then feed the stray cats, have breakfast at McDonald's - phew! all that in 3 days? i'll be tired to death!

(oooh, john legend is so so so naughty!)

i want to do something non-medical for a bit today, but i don't know what. i guess the first step to take is to get off this blog, and get something done!!!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Happy 51st Birthday, dad

hello dad!

it's pretty strange not being able to wish you Happy Birthday in person, and having to do it this way - via the nameless and faceless medium of the Internet.

it's actually pretty hard having to write things down and then have the whole world read it and try to understand how i feel - most of what i feel are felt, and are difficult to put into words.

or are they? some disappointment at not spending the next 25 years with you perhaps. mixed with some frustration at losing so much guidance and advice at such a young age. powerlessness at the manner of your departure maybe, and how i couldn't do a single thing about it beyond cry. loads of sadness everytime i lie down in your spot in bed, wishing that it was you there snuggled up under the blanket.

but today is your birthday, and you would have been marching bravely into the Fifties - certainly not the twilight of your life, but a period of intense delight, of profound freedom, of dangerous excitement, of travel and convocations and books and more of your emails, of dancing and guitars and motorcycles and photography and antiques, of China and Italy and London and Memphis, maybe even some grandchildren - it is a period where you are supposed to have the best time of your life.

but you're not here, and the home is a pale shadow of what it was with your self in it, and our lives are all the poorer for it. and on this beautifully radiant day, dad, i miss you and your smile and your optimism and your infectious zest for life...

i miss you dad, so so so much. Happy Birthday, dad, Happy 51st.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

mixes and matches

that one afternoon i had different things happen to me -

I WAS HAPPY - because through a beautiful twist of fate, i managed to bring together the paths of two old friends who have not seen each other for 25 years. one was someone who worked in Maternity, whom i know from my time working there. the other was someone who worked in MOPD, whom i know from my time working there.

i had gone to MOPD that day to trace some reports, and i happened upon the Maternity Girl, who told me that she was having a touch of hypertension. i told her to come on along to MOPD so i could check her BP, and so she did.

and we went into Room 3, where the MOPD Girl was doing some work. they just smiled at each other, and i went about my business. and then... "juriah? bukan ke you dulu sekolah kota lama?"

and thus were two friends re-united after 25 years, despite working in the same hospital for umpteenth years. all because i took a BP reading. :-)

***

I WAS SAD - because that same afternoon, i realised that Death is at every door. i had gone to MOPD to trace reports, and to get everything ready for this lovely 71 year old gentleman who has B-cell lymphoma. we had called up the haematologist in Ipoh for an appointment, and i had gotten everything ready - ENT reports, biopsy reports, CT reports, referral letters - all that was left was to call him up and tell him to show up in Ipoh for chemotherapy.

so i called his daughter on her cellphone, and she told me that he had already passed, 3 days ago.

all because i was 3 days late.